A fling is a “relationship” – a dynamic? a situationship? – intended to be fun and light and physical and sexual and effervescent and filled with mutual attraction and the opposite of commitment.
A fling lacks anything that smacks of a future. You don’t build. You don’t create. You don’t bring your friends and families together. You don’t make long term plans. You don’t have deep conversations. Things tend to be spontaneous, and not particularly thoughtful.
You see each other, sometimes frequently, but your lives do not mix.
Flings are really fun if participants are clear about the fact that what they are involved in is just for now.
The problem is that hand in hand with a fling is often a lack of clarity, a sense that since this is just a fling you don’t really need to bother with communication, that you can “play it loose” and “just go with the flow” – which typically results in someone getting hurt.
What do I want? Am I being clear about it, or am I pretending I want something “light” hoping it becomes something serious? Is what I want in line with what the other person wants?
If we want the same thing, a fling can be flung.
Warning: “we will not get emotionally involved”, “let’s agree we won’t fall in love” and “we are strong and independent and can do whatever we decide” is all well and good.
Just remember our hearts are not governed by the decisions our brains make, or by the pacts we make with others. We can make a deal to not get emotionally involved and immediately proceed to getting emotionally involved (oh, heart.)
Is this hurting me? Am I hurting someone? If so, this is not a fling. This is an impending disaster, and it’s time to walk away.
Signs Your Relationship Is Just a Fling
1* They don’t remember important details about you.
Does the person you’re seeing routinely forget your mom’s name or where you went to college, even though it feels like you’ve told them a million times?
If they don’t seem interested in “finding out about your wants, wishes, and desires outside of the bedroom, then it is unlikely [they are] considering building a relationship,” says Ivankovich, who notes that people who are serious about relationships will go out of their way to make it clear they’re listening to these details.
2* They avoid eye contact.
While it may seem like they’re just playing coy at first, if the person you’re seeing seems to avert their gaze whenever you’re talking to them, that’s a good sign they might not be too serious about you.
“This is a basic indicator that easily differentiates whether someone is emotionally engaged with us or not
3* They haven’t told their friends and family about you.
People who want exclusivity are very clear about their intentions and feelings about you,” including telling their friends and family about you, says Josie. If you bump into someone they’re close to when you’re out together and it’s clear they’ve never heard of you, odds are your relationship isn’t long for this world
4* Your interactions end after sex.
If your time together ends the second you’ve finished up in bed, don’t count on your relationship evolving into something more serious. Having “no emotional investment in the aftermath of sex” means you’re in a fling, not a relationship.
5* You never go out on actual dates.
There’s nothing wrong with a last-minute invite for a night in from time to time, but if it’s the only kind of “date” your partner knows how to plan, chances are you’re dealing with a fling.
“If someone only wants to meet up when it’s convenient for them and it’s usually at your place or theirs,” that’s a sure sign that things aren’t serious
What is the difference between dating, relationship, fling and love affair?
Dating = You are going on dates to get to know each other/seeing someone.
Relationship = When you and a person are committed to stay together and be loyal, for as long as you guys decide.
Fling = When you and a person slept together once but you guys are not in a relationship/aren’t dating.
Love Affair = When you have a prolonged relationship with another person, except, your first relationship does not know about the other one. (Basically cheating with extra steps).
Also do not mix a poly relationship with a Love Affair. A poly relationship is when 2+ people consent to being in a relationship with one another.
A love affair is quite the opposite of that.
Is fling a good idea?
That depends. Casual sex, flings, one night stands are the easier, more available substitute for real lasting relationship. Its really overhyped in our modern society, movies, books, tinder – everything revolves about casual flings and hookups are mainstream now, real relationships are dying, simply – its a lot easier and less time consuming than searching for whole package.
You need to decide and look which person you are, if you are really warm and family oriented, easily attaching person, then just dont do it, you will regret all of them later in life, once you create your own family with your person.
If you dont care that much about family, kids and dont plan or think about creating family in the future – they will probably not bother you.
Finding deep connection with someone is really hard, casual sex is easy and you still get SOMETHING with a lot less effort. But there are still many old fashioned people out there, which really cherish all those nearly forgotten qualities, like sincerity and so on. And if one day you will find your person. It might happen that he will be turned down by your tinder history and past promiscuity – you might lose that person.
Remember that you have the right to be free with your sexuality and fuck anything you want, but also people have the right to not want you, because of that. So its casual and easy in modern busy life, but it can have many consequences into your future, even your own psychological and emotional well being.
It depends what kind of person you are, if you are someone who looks for connection, one person, warmth and family – dont do it.
If you are busy person which dont care about these qualities – you might consider it. (but i dont recommend it) In the end its your own decision and like every decision in life, it can have some consequences in the future.
How to turn a fling into a real relationship
1* Talk sincerely
I am not sure how you expect to get into a relationship before really getting to know someone. And what’s the best way to know a person? By talking to them, of course! So whenever possible, choose places like coffee shops or art galleries (as opposed to watching movies or going to theme parks) where you two can have a real conversation with each other.
2* Tell her/him exactly what you’re looking for
You two need to be on the same page when it comes to the relationship, and nothing beats a good old fashioned heart to heart talk. I mean, what do you get by putting it off? What’s the point in him thinking one thing and you thinking the other? Differences in opinions are bound to surface, so it’s best to nip those problems in the bud.
3* Don’T Make It Just About Sex
It’s hard to beat late-night rendezvous at the beach with the person you’re into, but that’s not all your summer fling should be about. “Sure, chemistry is important and fun, but a long-lasting relationship encompasses more than that,” says Dr. Paulette Sherman, psychologist, author of Dating from the Inside Out, and director of My Dating & Relationship School. “Make time to get to get know each other by sharing life experiences and asking questions.
4* Go On Adventures
It might be tempting to hang poolside all summer long, but your relationship can only grow so much from lounging around in flamingo floaties. Instead, plan some exciting trips to add into the mix. Those outings aren’t just memorable, but will create a strong bond that will leave you inseparable once the season’s over.
5* Take baby steps
Bridging the gap between a fling and a relationship is tough. But once you realize that you have to take things one day at a time. It becomes relatively easy. A smooth transition is important, so keep things casual in the beginning. Go out on dates, have fun and even invite her over for a movie marathon.
6* Maintain communication
Communication is always key. And sometimes if you have nothing to talk about, send him a funny joke or meme. It’ll show him that even though you have nothing to talk to him about, you still make effort to stay in touch with him. And he’ll appreciate that.
7* Be Confident
If you’re always acting unsure of what your relationship actually is, your partner is going to feel unsure, too. Instead, be totally confident in turning your fling into something more serious and there’s a good chance that assertiveness will pay off.
8* Be Patient
Look, there’s no substitute for time. And you have to be patient because if you rush things through, you’ll only end up spoiling everything that you’ve worked so hard on. More so because both of you are right now in the casual stage, which means ending things by either party would not be that difficult because a strong emotional bond has not been created. In order to let that bond develop, you have to give it time and to do so, you have to be very patient. And if you still feel patience isn’t a virtue, then well you have the answer to your question, “Can a fling turn into a relationship?” I would highly recommend you not getting into any relationship any time soon.
Thanks for reading, please share to educate others and don’t forget to like and comment your opinion in the comment section. See you next time and have a good day.