People frequently fail to recognize that they’re the victim of the gaslighting in their relationship because they tend to believe so much in their mate that they slightly question their perspective. The mate with gaslighting traits often uses verbal abuse to dominate the victim, they use the words like crazy, dramatic, illogical, and careless, which makes you question your own feelings, beliefs and perception. Here are some example of some of the phrase that the mate who gaslights frequently uses in a relationship.
Examples of gaslighting
1* Talking badly about you to others
Gaslighters might go as far as talking down about you to your friends and family. They can get these people to side with them by telling them that you ’re crazy or over reacting. They may lie or tell inflated stories about you to make it feel like you ’re in the wrong.
2* “ Something is Wrong With You ”
This is one of the most dangerous phrase used by the person who gaslights because it makes the victim question his/ her mental health. The victim may start feeling like there’s something wrong with him her. It’s a kind of cerebral torture where one of the mates projects his/ her issues or problems onto the victim.
3* Diverting attention from the issue at hand
When you try to have a serious discussion with a gaslighter, they might just change the subject entirely. They wo n’t give your concern the time of day. They might divert your attention from the issue by asking an unconnected question.
4* “ You Do n’t Know Anything ”
When you try to argue with the gaslighter about something they’ve said or did, the gaslighter may feel largely disrespected by your opinions. rather of considering what you have suggested the gaslighter will prove your argument wrong and may say you did n’t know anything and you need to learn about it before making any judgements. In this way, they dominate over you.
5* “ It’s All Your Fault/ Maybe You’re Paranoid ”
Shifting the blame to his/ her mate is one of the most generally used tactics by the gaslighting mate in the relationship. The person who gaslights shifts any argument in a way that you feel to be the culprit. For instance, a woman found that her husband is having an affair with another woman, when she asked her husband, also rather of apologizing for his mistake he started arguing that he’s involved with the other woman because she never paid attention to him as she always gets busy with her work, and she isn’t good enough for him. This tactic allows the gaslighter to get relieve of what bad he has committed by shifting all the blame to the victim.
6* Putting the blame on you
Gaslighters frequently do n’t take responsibility for their behavior
. They frame the situation like you ’re the one
to condemn. They shut down any suggestion that they were in the wrong, rather making it feel that whatever happed was your fault. So even if you feel worried by the person’s behavior
, it does no good to talk to them about it because they just shovel the blame onto you.
7* You’re Just Jealous ”
By saying such phrase the gaslighter may try to control your perspective and justify what they’ve said or did. For instance, a woman saw that her husband was easily flirting with his coworker when the woman asked her husband about the same, he said that he wasn’t flirting, perhaps she’s getting jealous. The women also tend to feel like that maybe she’s overreacting and she’s just getting jealous.
READ ALSO: SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING IN A RELATIONSHIP
8* Trivializing your feelings
Not only do gaslighters fail to take your concerns or feelings seriously. They also paint a crooked picture of the situation. They might claim that you ’re the one overreacting or being too sensitive. So rather of being suitable to freely communicate, you start feeling like you do n’t even have a right to be worried. The gaslighter makes it feel like you ’re flying off the handle for no reason.
9* You’re Careless ”
The mate who gaslights can make the other mate feel that he/ she can’t do anything alone. They often use this phrase to make them believe that they can’t handle their daily chores, or other tasks effectively. This makes the victim dependent upon the gaslight mate. For instance, a girl shared that her boyfriend used to steal her money, and manipulate her and that she isn’t good at managing her finances. Another girl Shared that her boyfriend hide her mobile and told her that she’s such a careless person. In reality, he hides her mobile for his binary purposes, i.e., from keeping her girlfriend away from her close cousins and friends and also from making her believe that she’s a careless person.
10* Constant criticism
This example ties back to the use of disapprobation as a way to control someone’s behavior
, but this is a bit more extreme. When someone is constantly disapproving or outright criticizing someone, the victim can internalize these criticism, feel abrogated, and potentially begin to neglect their own wants and needs, denying their own reality.
11* Distracting With Compassion
I love you so much, and you know I ’d never designedly hurt your feelings. How could you think I was flirting with her when you ’re the only one for me? Gaslighting mates will frequently sugarcoat toxic situations with kind tropes as a way to distract their mates from their feelings. Unfortunately, this frequently causes their mates to feel like they ’re overreacting or being too harsh.
12* ” Forgetting”
” This is an example of gaslighting where the gaslighter pretends to have forgotten what took place or denies it ever happed,” This one
can be particularly tricky because there is no way to really prove whether someone actually forgot something — but nonetheless, if you did not forget, you will know it.
13* Withholding Information
Some gaslighting mates will play mind tricks on their loved ones
by averring they told them to do something when they never did. also, they will get frenetic at their loved ones
for forgetting. It might play out like, What do you mean you did n’t pick up the dry cleaning? I told you about it this morning! Were you not paying attention again?
14* Disaffection or insulation
It’s not uncommon for gaslighters to insulate or else alienate their victims from their support systems, in order to gain more control, a gaslighting person may say phrase like,” I do not think your family has your best interests at heart,” for instance.
15* “ Nobody Loves You ”
The gaslighter tends to detach his/ her mate away from the mate’s close cousins or friends because of his/ her assumption that others may steal or manipulate his/ her mate from him /her, and no one
can love their mate except him /her. substantially, a gaslighter tries to separate the victim from his/ her close people because of his/ her belief that these people can guide the victim that he she is being gaslighted by his/ her mate. Let’s understand it with an illustration, a boyfriend used to prohibit his girlfriend from attending any parties and going out with her friends. He used to make the stories that her friends don’t like her, and they all talk bad about her behind her back, and they don’t care about her. He even used to delete the text from her mobile that her mobile that she used to get from her friends so that the girlfriend may start thinking that her friends doesn’t care for her and doesn’t text her
Constant disapproval can be a subtle way gaslighters control their victims. A parent constantly disapproving of their child’s opinions and questioning their judgment will ultimately be internalized by the child, to the point that they, too, question their own judgment.
17* Shifting blame
One main way people gaslight is by shifting blame to another person in order to avoid responsibility, which is also known as deviation. For instance A gaslighting parent might condemn their child for their own Mistakes, or an abusive mate could ever condemn the victim for the abuse.
How gaslighting works
Gaslighting is a system of gaining control over someone differently. It works by breaking down a person’s trust in themselves while adding how much they trust or depend on the abusive person.
In relationship, gaslighting often begins gradationally. The abusive person gains their mate’s trust, Sometimes with an initial “ honeymoon period ” in which there’s no abusive geste
. also the person begins suggesting that their mate isn’t dependable, that they’re absentminded, or that they’re mentally unstable.
Over time, this can beget people to question if their mate is right. The more this happens, the more power and impact the abusive person has.
Unfit to trust themselves, the person may start to rely heavily on their mate to recall memories or make opinions. They may also feel they can not leave.
What happens when you do not react to gaslighting?
Nothing. All you have to do is ignore it. People who do this obviously have a long history of sucj that it becomes a habit. It’ll most surely be again in their future relationship. They do n’t care about you, in- fact they presumably never did. You did what you could but this presumably was something that was ineluctable. Stay neutral without reaction., they ’ll presumably continue to keep this up for their own comfort and stability but as for you, find someone like you because I ’m sure you ’ll find someone who does what you do, for these are the effects you have in common obviously. Let those who continue that line of destruction destroy themselves as they ’ve always wanted, and if you involve yourself also you come part of the destruction wether you wanted to or not, and wether that person wanted to destroy you or not. That’s just who they’re with no sense of love or self inclination to truly love and care about someone without mal effect. Nothing happens at all.
What does it feel like to be gaslighted?
Gaslighting is a armament that people with a narcissistic personality complaint or people with narcissistic traits use in order to afflict healthy people. It generally involves patient manipulation until your own identity and self- worth are taken away from you. You’ll ultimately end up suffering from anxiety because you were constantly brainwashed through the means of gaslighting.
It surely does n’t feel good to be gas- lighted. People in such a situation would constantly accept the responsibilities of the other person and will start seeking towards enhancement in order to satisfy the gaslighter. It’s in this process that you’ll lose your self- worth and start distrusting your own reason, which will make you walk on eggshells. Constant gaslighting might beget you trauma, and it’s for sure not a good experience.
Just watch out for the following points
They deny the reality that you experience.
They don’t accept the responsibility which means they warrant the capability to respond, and that leads to constant condemning.
Their conduct and words generally contradict each other.
They raise their voice fluently and confuse you with everything.
They condemn you and feel good about it.
They see interpersonal connections as a battleground where someone struggles to be in control.
However, the coming word coming from their mouth would be ‘’ You know what ’’, without any farther explanation, If you remind them of what they said or did preliminarily.
Any time you apologize and promise to do things more next time, they become more aggressive because it inflates their pride.
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