How I lost interest in my own wedding (because of my mother in-law).

My hubby-to- be told me,”She’s doing what she’s doing out of care.”I told him,”I know she cares but that same care should let her know that people want to be in charge of their own marriage because, in the end, it’s their marriage. They’re the bones going to witness everything so they owe it to themselves to make the experience worth it. Tell your mama to leave the crucial effects to us. It’s our marriage.”We had this discussion because I could not sit still and watch while his mama takes over everything concerning our marriage. After we had that discussion, I allowed he was going to be sympathetic towards my passions but he said, “ You are only blowing the whole thing out of proportion. She’s trying to help because you are an in- law. She loves you.”That was not the first time he’d picked the side of his mama. He’d taken the side of his mama in nearly everything concerning our marriage. We chose a position for our marriage event. It was a veritably small place that did not bring us so much. We agreed with the proprietor of the place and gave him assurance that we were going to make payment. That veritably day that wewere supposed to make the payment, we were with his mama when he told her that we were going to pay for the venue. His mama asked,« Where and how important are they charging?”He told her. She screamed,”That is relatively precious. Do not you know Agya Ansah’s place is also used for a marriage event? He is my friend, let’s go and talk to him first.”I asked, “ How far is it?”She said,”Oh it’s not too far from the church. It’s a beautiful theater that everyone around then does their marriage.”We followed her to the place. First, the distance was further than we anticipated. When we got there, I asked my hubby,”Is that the theater?”He said,”I do notknow.However, she will tell us, If it is.”His mama said,” So this is the place. The flowers had failed because we’re in the dry season but it’s a good place nevertheless.”I looked at my hubby’s face and he also looked at mine. I looked at the bottom-bare ground. No pavement or lawn. I mean fine ground. He said,”Yeah, that is ok. I suppose we can take this bone.”He turned to me and asked,”or Ann?”I said, “ No the other place is better. It’s near and it has beautiful decor we can use for prints. His mama fooled in,”You are a youthful couple. You need to save plutocrat for the future. Take this place and use that plutocrat for commodity differently.”That evening, I told my hubby-to- be,”We can not have a event at that place. Frank? Are we the only poor people in this city?”We argued. He said, “ If we go against my mama, she’d be angry. Let’s take it just to make her happy. There are better days ahead.”The marriage is passing in my church. The pastor who’s counseling us had been my pastor since I was a child. He is quite an old man with wisdom pullulate. We have had several sessions with him and each moment we spend with him, he gives us commodity to laugh about or commodity to hold on to. He is the one going to officiate our marriage and it’s commodity known to us both. One evening my Husband-to be called.”Ann.”When he mentions my name first before saying anything, also it means he is going to ask me to do commodity I mightnot want to do.”I asked,”What do you want me to do?”He said,”Is it possible to talk to Reverend so we make our family pastor officiate the marriage?”I asked,”Who’s asking for that?”He said,”Oh no bone. I am just allowing our family pastor would be good to officiate the event since he is been the one to officiate everything in our family.”I asked, “ Your mama asked you to do that?”He said, “ Noooo, not her. I am the bone allowing that way.”I said,”It’s not possible. We aren’t getting married in your pastor’s church. He can attend as an invited pastor but he can not be the one to officiate.”He did not say anything again. I went to see him in the house one day and his mama met me. She asked,”Were you suitable to talk to your pastor about what I asked my son to tell you?”I said,”Yes I did but he said it’s not allowed in our church.”She said,”What about allowing him to sermonize that day? That’s also not allowed?”I said,”Unless I seek explanation from him.”She said,”Please do. This man we’re talking about is a great man of God. He baptized your hubby and he’d officiatedhundreds of marriages and none had ended in divorce. I wish he’d be the one to put his hands over your heads.”I breathed out heavily and left. When I saw him I asked,” So it was your mama’s idea after all?”He did not say a word. We’re only one month two weeks down from the marriage. We have spoken to a lot of culinarians, looking to get the stylish deal for our marriage. Some quoted relatively outrageous prices and others are also relatively priced. We have not settled on anyone yet. A many days ago I asked him, “ When are we going to eventually settle on the caterer for the event?”He said,”Oh I have not told you? Mama says she’s going to be the caterer for us. That is why I have not talked about caterer all this while. Sorry I did not tell you.”I said,”No. Your mama will not be the caterer. Has she done it ahead? This isn’t food for the family ooo. This is food for large people and it takes experience and special chops to do that.”He said, “ Is it not banku and rice? Who can’tcook banku and rice?”I said,”since we started this whole marriage thing, I have always allowed your mama to have her way. I supplicate you. I supplicate you in the name of God, do not let us do this bone. Not that I do not believe your mama but this is commodity we can not try. We only have one chance to get it right. I supplicate of you, let’s get a caterer”He said,”If you can talk to her to change her mind, also OK, because I can not go and tell her.” See me see trouble. We’ve only a many weeks to an occasion we have spent the stylish part of our lives planning but the man l’m getting married to can not move his own mama to look at effects our way. Actually, at this point, l’ve lost interest in the marriage. I just want to call everything off and just go to the court, subscribe the papers, and go our way. The way effects are going, I do not believe our marriage would have a good ending. I can not assemble musketeers and family in one placeand display incapacity right in front of them. I have allowed about effects deeply and court marriage would be the stylish for us. After all, his mama does not want us to waste plutocrat, so she should be happy for us when we decide to rather go for a court marriage. Am I being petty? Am going extreme with the whole thing? To be honest I am spooked. I do not suppose I can wear my marriage dress on that day and sit still without thinking of all the effects that it’s could go awry. To avoid all that and more, better we do not do it. The most important thing is the marriage itself and not the marriage. It’s better we do a court marriage than to put up a bad show in front of well- provision and musketeers. But before that, I was suitable to fight my way through to make some earnings. I stood on my ground and indeed went to the extent of having a deeper discussion with his mama so she could make concessions. First of all, was the food. I still did not believe his mama could handle it. I told him, “ Yes it’s banku and Jollof just as you said but it’s different when you’re cooking for one hundred and fiftypeople.However, she will accept what I am saying, If your mama would be honest to us and honest to herself. It’s our marriage. It happens formerly. You do not get to make amends. Whatever happens, stays with us ever. Let’s do the right thing.”He told me, “ My mama has done itbefore.However, we can trust that she can do it, If she says she can do it. Why are you dragging this issue? It’s not anything. It’s not the most important thing to be at the marriage. Let’s concentrate on the essential corridor and leave these bones in the hands of my mama. She can handle it.”I did not argue. I did not make a fight out of it. I just got up, went straight to his mama’s house to have a discussion with her. I told myself,”She’s a woman and she’s going to be my in-law.However, she said,”You look upset, If I can not have a discussion with her now also when can I begin to have a discussion with her?”When I got there and she offered me a seat. I hope my son isn’t giving you troubles.”I laughed just to cheer up my mood and fade off the worries on my face. I responded, Not at all. I”m tired and it’s reflecting on my mood. Sorry.”She asked the reason for my coming. I spoke pleadingly.”It’s about the food you said you are going to handle. You are my in- law. You will play a great part on the marriage day. I do not suppose the kitchen is the stylish place we can put you. You will be in your kente cloth, sit in front and cheer us on. You are our pride and you have to represent that pride in the frontal part and not at the kitchen. Perhaps you have people you’ll like to handle the food in your absence. Those are the people I’ve issues with. They aren’t like you. They will not attach proper attention to it like you would have done.

Left to me alone, we should hire someone to do it. We have formerly spoken to someone differently. Her charges are good. she can do it so you can rest. She was quiet for a while. She soughed. She said,”Yeah, what you are saying is true. I felt it was commodity I should do just to reduce outflow costs. Everything is precious these days so if you can do it in- house, also why hire another person but what you are saying too is true. Have you bandied it with your hubby?”That was the end of it. We went back to the caterer we were talking to and got her hired. As for the venue, I did not bandy it. It was commodity I could overlook. Places change when decorations take over. I took the decorator to the venue and asked what she could do to turn the place around. She said,”This would be delicate. You will put all your energy into places like this and in the end, it wouldn’t be as beautiful as you want it to be. People would look at it and say you did not do a good job. Meanwhile, it’s the fault of the place.”I gentled her on the shoulder and said,”You are the professional.
professional. I have seen samples of yourwork.However, I know the withered flowers will come back to life, If you put half of your chops on display then. Give me magic. I believe in you.”There was one thing I noway allowed of but came through nearly all the advice I got from my musketeers. One said, “ You’re then allowing about the marriage. Suppose about the marriage itself being controlled by your mama-in- law.”Another person said,”What you need to ask yourself is if your hubby-to- be will continue to allow his mama to mandate the affairs of your home indeed after the marriage.”Another person also put it this way;”Whether you do traditional, church, court or whatever marriage, his mum will be in your lives for as long as shelives.However, that’s what l’d worry about, If I were you.”The same advice put else by different people. That is what got me spooked. That is what kept me awake indeed when the world was snoring down. From the morning to the end of our marriage plans, there wasn’t a single moment that my hubby went against his mama’s mandate. We could sit and draw a perfect plan butimmediately his mama whispers against the plan, he begins to quake. As I said, my mind did not go in that direction. In my mind, when we marry, everything would be over. His mama would live in her own house while we live in ours. That way, she could not wake up in the morning and come and mandate the days of our lives. I forgot that some people can move effects around indeed when their hands are tied behind them. So I had a discussion with him. The question was simple; “ How far can your mama come near when we eventually get married?”He answered,”She’s my mama. can not cut her off just because I got married.”I said,”You will not cut her off. I will not indeed allow you to cut her off. We will need her and she will need us but how close is she allowed near our marriage? Say we make a decision on commodity. We start putting it into action. Your mama comes and she says no, do it this way. Would you hear to her? Or stick to what we have started?”He got the import of my question veritably well. He asked me, “ Are you asking all these questions becausebecause of what happed with the food and position?”I answered,”And the pastor exchange too, yeah.”He started waxing indignantly,”You do not understand. I just do not want to upset her with the little effects. She’s my mama. She alone took care of me, giving me everything that I demanded until I came of age and met you. The little I can do to pay back is to hear to her. I do that out of respect, not because l’m spooked. Whe we’re wedded, we’re married so she will not come and change effects around.”I repeated my question,”What if she comes to change effects around?”He said,”When we get there, we’ll cross.”Dear, we’re formerly there. We see the ground ahead of us and we know how dangerous it can be, that is why we’re agitating how we’re going to cross it. Let’s get the understanding now so we know the part both of us are going to play to be suitable to cross it.”His virile pride demurred in”Ann, I am man then and you are going to trust me. My mama can not come into our marriage.”I pressed him. I wanted him to say commodity I could hang on to just in case the time arrives. He said,”In the worst-case script, we will not allow her to change what we have planned. She can suggest commodity but can not change what we have said. And who’s indeed going to telI her about our plans? It’s just the two of us after marriage. Just drop this instability and let’s go get married.”All I demanded was what he said. I was ok. I was relaxed. Nothing is perfect. Our marriage too. But our defects should not come from avoidable angles. I was happy I got the response I demanded. During our traditional marriage, we gave the bottom to his family pastor. The pastor who baptized him. The pastor who has hundreds of unbreakable marriages under his belt. He sermonized and supplicated over the engagement ring. On Sunday too he was there. But the bottom was possessed by my pastor. When it came to the blessing of the marriage, they both joined hands and supplicated
. Forus.We live together now and so far so good. His mama hasn’t been to our house yet. When she calls, she talks to me too. She tells me to take care of her son well or she’ll tête-à-tête come for him. She says it in a jocund way so we laugh. We go to see her when we’ve the time. She culinarians for us and makes sure that we feel at home. It’s early days yet but if Sunday would be a joyous day, the joy starts from Saturday night. Our Saturday night so far had been eventless. If that adage is true also we can anticipate joy in the morning.

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