Narcissism is a buzzword you may have heard lately to refer to people who are so self-centered that they are toxic to the people around them. It isn’t always easy to identify a narcissist, but there are some clues and characteristics that will get you started. If you are dating a narcissist, or if your friend is showing narcissist tendencies, you may want to consider backing out of the relationship
Different types of narcissist
Overt narcissists are the people whom you can tell are narcissists from a mile away,” They’re super into themselves, super competitive, and super arrogant, and when you talk to them, the conversation only moves forward if it’s about them.” These are the same folks who don’t ever think to ask you a question about yourself.
By contrast, the covert type of narcissists are less easily identifiable. “These people typically have very low self-esteem or a deep fear of never being ‘enough,’ which ends up manifesting as narcissism because they refuse to accept any criticism about themselves,” says Dr. Hoffman. “Essentially, they already have such low self-esteem, they don’t know where to place any new criticism, so they’d rather walk away from a situation where they may be at fault, rather than be seen as having messed up.”
1* The vulnerable narcissist
This type of narcissist’s obsession with self manifests more directly as an assumption that everyone is always out to get them. Like a classic narcissist of any kind, they can’t accept criticism, but in this case, it’s because their warped sense of reality makes them feel as if they’re always being victimized and life has always been uniquely unfair to them. “But no matter how much empathy they might receive from a partner, it’s never enough,” clinical psychologist
2* The toxic narcissist
There’s a range of toxic narcissism, and none of it is good. A toxic narcissist “continually causes drama in others’ lives at the very least and causes pain and destruction at the very worst,” says clinical psychologist John Mayer, PhD.
So, if you happen to have a friend who constantly demands all of your time and attention—and doesn’t respond well when you don’t meet those demands—you may be dealing with a toxic narcissist. Likewise, if someone in your life has caused more extreme issues, like gotten you fired from your job, physically abused you, or led to the end of a relationship, they may be a toxic narcissist as well.
One particular kind of toxic narcissist is the psychopathic narcissist, who will embody some of the unstable, aggressive qualities of psychopathy. This person will often be violent and show no remorse for their behavior. “Serial killers largely make up this type of narcissist,” says Dr. Mayer.
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3* The seducer narcissist
This is the kind of narcissist who relies most heavily on love-bombing to get the attention that they so desperately crave from others: The seducer will “make you feel great about yourself just to ‘win’ you over as a sexual or love conquest,” says Dr. Mayer. They will often seem to admire or fawn over you, only to write you off once they no longer have a use for you.
4* The exhibitionist narcissist
The exhibitionist narcissist is very obvious about their self-interest. “This is the narcissist who lets everyone around them know that they are narcissistic,” says Dr. Mayer, adding that this person takes advantage of other people and is often haughty and arrogant.
They’re also blatant about their self-centered behavior. “They need to be in the spotlight and get uncomfortable when they’re not,” says Dr. Bash.
5* The closet narcissist
Often trickier to spot than other types of narcissists, “a closet narcissist is one who doesn’t inflict their personality upon others or society but firmly believes in the characteristics of narcissism,” says Dr. Mayer. That can mean a host of things, including feeling entitled, constantly needing other people to admire them, being preoccupied with success, being jealous of other people, and lacking empathy for others.
6* The bullying narcissist
This person combines two terrible traits: bullying and self-absorption. Bullying narcissists build themselves up by trashing other people, Dr. Mayer says. They’re often fixated on winning and will mock or threaten others to get their way. They ultimately get joy from making other people feel bad, small, or unworthy. This is different from a “regular” bully who tends to put people down for social gain, where a bullying narcissist does it for personal motivation.
What are the 6 main habits of a narcissist?
1* Extreme manipulation.
They will try to make you feel bad for them, make you feel good and then put you down according to “where they want you” emotionally. They will exploit your weaknesses so they know exactly how to work the rollercoaster of your emotions. They will make you think they are something they’re not, and never will be. They will seem like they are very sensitive at times, but this is a mask.
2* No stability.
They often are not able to hold a job down for long, or a relationship, or stay in one place for an extended period of time. This might not be true of all narcissists, it depends where they feel like they are in “the game” and what “level” they are at. It’s all about image and what they have at the moment. But they either get bored, fired, dumped, exposed; when this happens they move on to the next person or thing. Everything and anyone is disposable when it/the person no longer serves a purpose or make the narcissist happy. And then I couldn’t leave this one out
3* Lack of emotion for others
This is actually a huge one but difficult to detect. You really have to pay attention, because they do show a range of emotions, but it is not for others it is for themselves. So if you’re crying, they are able to cry and might genuinely be sad about something, but it is related to THEM. They might be thinking of something in the past or present that makes them sad, but it is an “injustice” that happened to them, not you. If you’re happy about something and they want to show they are supportive, again they might be happy but it’s not empathy. These people don’t have empathy or sympathy. If a friend loses a parent or loved one for example, they cannot actually feel bad for the person but will seem like they genuinely care.
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4* Controlling.
These people always need to be the ones in the driver’s seat. Whether it’s with a lover, or a stranger, or their friends and family, they need to be the ones calling the shots.
5* No real accountability.
These people may apologize if they feel like they are losing control of you, but they do not mean it. They do not actually think anything is their fault, and do not feel genuine remorse. If you get an apology, it’s only so they can regain the sense of security that they still have you.
6* Playing the victim.
These people will turn the tables on you so quickly it will make your head spin. You can be pointing out something they did wrong, and before you know it, they have convinced you that YOU are the person that was mean or abusive and want an apology. Sometimes you’re left scratching your head as to how they did it, sometimes they’re not that good at it or they are blatantly wrong, but you still feel bad somehow because they make you think they believe what they’re saying is their truth. They also feel like the world is against them. Didn’t get that job or promotion? It isn’t their fault, it’s the bosses fault for being an asshole, not because they didn’t work hard enough.
What are the red flags of a narcissist?
1* Being hypersensitive and extremely fragile
Covert narcissists are profoundly fragile and emotionally sensitive individuals.
The covert narcissist usually reacts drastically if they receive criticism from a family member, friend, or co-worker.
Symptoms may involve despair and extreme sadness, even if the criticism is minor.
On the other hand, if a covert narcissist receives a compliment, you may notice a drastic shift in their mood and behaviour. They may appear happier, even from a minuscule compliment.
2* They are unable to love anyone including themselves
They hate themselves,If someone constantly hates himself/herself so much he will never be able to love someone else.And if you love him/her you are basically a loser because no one can love them because they feel like they always failed in life,that’s their typical mentality.
To ease their internal insecurities they manipulate the whole people around them by a fake persona basically faking everything about themselves and presenting to the public a perfect image of a caring,lovely,charming character.
3* Being angry and highly stressed
Covert narcissists often experience severe fluctuations in mood, which are often based on the opinions of others.
The burden of criticism (whether real or anticipated) can be overwhelming and can cause covert narcissists much discomfort.
Every slight comment can create extreme stress and anxiety for the covert narcissist. Such an emotional state can create anger and resentment, leading to angry outbursts towards others or self-harm directed at themselves.
4* They Are Emotionally Absent
Despite what rom-coms have taught you, you can’t save them.
Are you seeing someone who rarely makes eye contact, only talks about surface-level topics, or shuts down any time you try to express emotion? Yes, it could be that they had a really rough breakup and are reluctant to be vulnerable again, but if emotional absence is combined with any of these other narcissist red flags, you may have to take a step back,
A reason why so many smart, valuable women stick with narcissists is because they think they can “fix” their emotional unavailability.
Maybe if I am the best partner ever, he will see that I am worthy of respect and love and he will be cured and love me the way I want to be loved! The unfortunate news is you can only lead a horse to water; if a narcissist ever wants to change, that’s on them.
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5* Being self-absorbed
Whether covert or overt, most narcissists tend to be self-absorbed and, more often than not, experience this emotion at the extreme end.
In the eyes of a narcissist, only their feelings count, only their lives matter, which is an attitude that can severely impact their long-term relationships.
Their selfishness can lead to a lack of empathy and emotional manipulation.
Narcissists will do anything to get what they want, such as using guilt, violence (or threatening violence), and other forms of antagonizing behaviours to get others to go along with their plan.
6* Taking Subtle Digs Or Negging
Does your partner act mad when you don’t understand their “jokes”?
After a narcissist love bombs someone and wins them over, the narcissist will start to chastise, criticize, and neg their partner. This can be subtle at first, like suggesting that your hair looked better a different way or comparing you to someone else in a negative manner.
Over time, these small comments can add up.
According to Healthline, “Negging can damage your self-esteem and change the way you live. It can also spiral into severe emotional or physical abuse.” If you start to feel like your partner is degrading you on any level, it’s time to have a talk. If they brush you off, it’s time to reconsider the relationship.
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A life lived in love, will never be dull 