Falling in love and being loved back is a feeling that everyone wants to experience in their lives. The initial craze of falling head-over-heels in love with someone makes one do various adorable and at times wacky things — ranging from surprise visits at the workplace to calling the other person in the middle of the night — but there is a fine line between love and obsession. And once that line is crossed, take it as a sign that it is time to scoot.
What is obsessive love disorder
Obsessive love disorder has not been formally recognized as a disorder; it is a condition when you become obsessed with the person who you are in love with and feel the need to control or protect your partner at all costs.
“An obsessive lover feels an overwhelming attraction to a person and wants to control the behaviour of his/her partner to the extent that if the person is not comfortable or tries to leave a relationship, they may threaten them or harm them. Such people make unreasonable demands and do not respect the boundaries set by the other person,” says Dr Vihan Sanyal, Psychotherapist.
While in the beginning – because of all the attention – you may feel like the luckiest person in the planet, but as you commit to the relationship and move forward, you may start to feel the heat.
Is An Obsessive Relationship “Healthy”?
While most of us would agree that growth in a relationship is the ultimate goal, people often have different views of what this looks like. Often, growth can make you feel fear, and become nervous, tense, uptight, or preoccupied by the relationship itself.
Some people think that wanting to be together in the same place, day and night, is a healthy relationship. Another person might think that having a certain level of independence is important and spend a great deal of time with friends, relying on short phone calls to maintain the relationship.
For each couple it’s going to be important that they define their relationship in the same way and decide what level of attachment or independence is important for each person. Sometimes it’s difficult to reach a mutual decision about this. Having a conversation with each other (partner to partner, woman to man, girl to girl, guy to guy, men and women and people alike) can help put words to your emotions and perspective.
READ ALSO: OBSESSION IN RELATIONSHIP, SIGNS YOU ARE DATING AN OBSESSIVE PARTNER
Can obsessive relationship turns dangerous?
The fear of losing their partner can drive obsessive lovers to extremes and they may resort to emotional abuse.
“They may try to punish their partners or break them down emotionally. They can isolate their partner from their family and friends. They can show signs of extreme love one moment while in the next moment they can get angry at the smallest thing and threaten their partner if they chose to walk out of the relationship. This can worsen a person’s depression and they start to talk about self-harm or physically harming their partner.
what is the difference between love and obsession?
If someone is in love with you, they trust you. They want you to be the best version of yourself and only want good things for you. That includes giving you space when you need it.
On the other hand, someone who is obsessed with you will be jealous and possessive. They won’t like the idea of you growing as a person, or having any independence, lest you meet someone else and leave them.
Obsessively passionate people are insecure and so preoccupied with losing their partner they actually end up neglecting them. They are defensive, controlling, and resentful, so it’s no surprise women in relationships with obsessively passionate men report being less sexually satisfied.
1* Intention
The difference between love and obsession starts with what’s the aim of the relationship. People who go into relationships to feel good about themselves and fill a void are more likely to end up obsessing over someone.
Conversely, healthy relationships have a strong foundation of support for both. Many misguided love songs claim they can’t live without someone or even breathe without them. That’s obsession, not love.
2* Boundaries
Look at the time you spend together as a clue for how to know if you’re obsessed with someone. Healthy love values both people as individuals while also ensuring the needs of the couple. Boundaries are important so you can be yourself. That way, your partner sees you for who you are and not as they wish you were.
If, on the flip side, you’re joined at the hip without time alone for yourself or your friends, you could be dealing with the signs someone is obsessed with you. Keep reading to the next section to determine if it’s you, your partner or a bit of both.
3* Emotions
Some of the obvious signs someone is obsessed with you are the outbursts of emotions. These could be anything from jealousy to possessiveness and control. An unhealthy obsession with a person leads to anxiety and stress which generally destabilizes emotions.
8 Signs Someone is Obsessed with you
Are you with an obsessive lover?
What would you do for love? Some might cross seven seas to meet the lover. A few might even change cities and careers to be with the person he is in love with. Someone might stalk the lover and do the unthinkable to be with him. A lot of people blame love for the weird things it makes people do but no, love is not to be blamed because ever person responds to emotions differently. Currently, a popular web series have cringe-worthy scenes where an obsessive boyfriend turns random killer just to be with the girl he loves. This might be far from the truth in reality but we do have scary real-life incidents involving obsessive lovers, don’t we? Dating an obsessive lover could be very dangerous. Here are some signs to check if you are dating an obsessive lover.
READ ALSO: INTIMACY AVOIDANCE, HOW TO COPE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS INTIMACY AVOIDANCE (FEAR OF INTIMACY)
1* Jealousy
An obsession with someone quickly turns to jealousy because you have no other thoughts. Whereas delusional jealousy is the misguided belief that your partner is cheating, obsessive jealousy is that your partner could be cheating.
Jealousy usually comes with extreme checking of your partner’s whereabouts. This further fuels the unhealthy obsession with a person.
2* When your lover turns into a stalker
A relationship is all about trust. But there are some people who have this habit of keeping track of their lover’s activities. And thanks to social media, stalking a person is as easy as keeping track of activities in your own home. The stalking behaviour of your lover can start with something simple like tracking your live location using GPS for your safety to something as intense as landing at your friend’s party without any invitation just because he wants to be with you. Remember, this toxic behaviour of your lover should not be confused with concern and love.
3* Emotional manipulation
Obsession with a person makes you focus on your world only without regard for the other person. One of the more painful warning signs of obsession is when someone, often subconsciously, tries to manipulate you to their expectations and needs.
4* Excessive togetherness
As mentioned, there are phases we go through when we fall in love and it’s normal to want to spend every minute together at the beginning. Nevertheless, you should be able to find your individuality and other friends after a time. If not, you run the risk of showing the signs of being obsessed with someone.
5* When the person is too clingy
Most relationships have a picture-perfect beginning where the lovers want to share every detail of their daily life with each other. However, there are exceptions where this care to know about each other is replaced with overdependency. Does your partner often demand your attention for every minute thing? He/she wants both to should spend every moment together? Basically, your partner wants your world to revolve around him/her. Such clingy behaviour can be considered a red flag.
6* Obsessive thoughts
Believe it or not but intrusive and obsessive thoughts are common to everyone. The difference with someone who has an obsessive disorder is that they relate differently to the thoughts and believe them.
Most people can just laugh at them or ignore them. In contrast, an obsessive person will start displaying the signs someone is obsessed with you
7* Need for reassurance
We all need some external validation during our lives. Nonetheless, someone who can’t function without yours could be the difference between love and obsession.
After all, they want you to be theirs alone to feel reassured with no room for your time or needs. That only gives them more things to be obsessed with as their world closes in on you.
8* Your partner wants to be in touch with you constantly.
We all seek attention at some point in time but it doesn’t mean your partner has the right to spam your inbox with irrelevant messages or incessantly call you throughout the day just to be in touch with you. The desire to be in constant touch with a lover is a subtle sign of obsessive behaviour.
How to stop being obsessive in a relationship.
Do you think you are obsessive about your relationship? Some people struggle to tell the difference between a healthy relationship and an obsessive one. Without realizing they obsess over their partner, they find themselves wanting to constantly be with them, always wanting to know where they are, and trying to control their behaviour.
READ ALSO: RELATIONSHIP ANXIETY, SIGNS CAUSE AND HOW TO OVERCOME IT
1* Don’t Let Obsessing Over Someone Take Control Of You
True fixation means that everything about your life and your world revolves around that person. It means that you struggle to do anything without thinking of that person or struggle to even stay away from them for any length of time.
A person may lose jobs or relationships because of an obsession that completely takes over their life. If you have a hard time going about your normal day without getting distracted by that other person or object then you are truly fixated on and getting some help from a health professional is an important step to overcoming this personality disorder.
2* Accept that you’re obsessed.
This sounds easy, but it can be very hard. Personally, it took me a while to accept it because I was disguising obsession with love.
So…congratulations! You’ve already started to move on.
3* Take responsibility for your obsession.
At the end, it’s your time and energy that your spending. It’s your choice on what to focus.
4* Ask yourself some questions like:
Is this how I want to live my life?
Does this behavior align with my values?
What outcome I’m expecting to have out of this?
Try some inspirational books or podcast. I can recommend you The Minimalists.
5* Be kind to yourself.
Practice being compassionate to yourself. You’re human. It’s Ok. Hug yourself. Love yourself. Realize how valuable you are.
6* Distract Yourself With Other Activities & Hobbies
It can be helpful to distract yourself from your intrusive thoughts and engage in other activities that promote self-improvement. They can allow you to see that there are important things in life other than your obsessive feelings. In this way, you can start to improve yourself and to focus on yourself at the same time.
While you’re doing this you’re going to actually turn yourself not just back into the person that you were but into an even better person along the way.
Thanks for reading, please share to educate Others and don’t forget to like and comment your opinion in the comment section. See you next time and have a wonderful day.
A life lived in love, will never be dull 