Narcissists are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. In other words, they’re in love with the way other people view them. This makes it delicate, or even impossible for them to truly love others or putting others before their own requirements. Even though narcissistic people may be good at hiding their personality complaint, there are common narcissistic traits that give them away.
Can someone with NPD love other people?
Someone who’s diagnosed with NPD doesn’t really retain the ability to love another person in the way most people understand love. It may sound harsh, but numerous of the features of NPD are contrary to love.
Narcissist may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be tentative, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationship tend to be transactional.
Love isn’t self- serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or invidious. A relationship — whether romantic or platonic with someone who’s diagnosed with NPD can be toxic, drama- filled, and in some cases, traumatic.
An individual may find themselves being gaslit, “ love bombed, ” and manipulated.
It’s important to establish and maintain healthy boundaries when in a relationship with someone who’s diagnosed with NPD. This is a serious mental health disorder and treatment for the disorder is explosively encouraged
Some red flags of love that the narcissist fails badly at
if you love someone, you are afraid of hurting them
if you love them, you cannot truly believe that you are better than them because grandiosity and entitlement are incompatible with love
if you love someone, it brings you joy to see them to unfold, and to encourage them unfold, you give them the freedom to be themselves, you do not want to control them because doing so stifles and cripples them which diminishes your joy, they do not have to validate you or obey you if they are an adult.
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if you love them, truth will be a big part of your relationship, because lies, pretense, and duplicity kill all manner of positive feelings and ultimately relationships
if you love someone, you seek to know and understand them, especially how they feel, curiosity and taking an interest in them is instinctual and it is also called empathy, you do not dismiss their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, you do not impose your fantasies on them and view them through the lens of your fantasies because you are already excited to be embarking on the adventure of who they are.
if you love them, and they are sad or hurt, you cannot turn your back to them because it will distrupt your peace of mind
if you love someone, you are happy that they are happy, and you are happy for their victories, you are not envious of them, you are not indifferent to their victories or happiness, you are indifferent to the fact that they are better than you at anything because you are not threatened by it because you are not threatened by them, love and threat are incompatible.
if you love some, you want them to love you back for who you truly are, to do that, you reveal your true self to them, you do not seek to hide yourself behind masks nor seek to make them love a grandiose mask who is not truly you, because fake love feels fake and unfulfilling which means you get nothing out of it.
if you love someone, you do not play with their feelings, especially by inserting fear into them through false threats, causing paranoia in them, provoking distress in them just because you are bored or experiencing ennui, causing humiliation, through practical jokes and pranks that create laughs at their expense, because when they are in distress you too will feel distress, causing them distress and laughing is inconceivable.
These red flags are not limited to romantic love, they apply to all other forms of love between individuals. To some extent, we all fail variously at these to varying extents, but perfection is not the point here, you do not have to love everyone nor love everyone fully, but we do not absolutely fail at all the points, narcissists do. Narcissists really stand out for failing miserably at all these points, you cannot find anyone in their lives that they do these things for.
Why are those points such a big deal? It’s because failing at any of them diminishes love or loving feelings, therefore to fail at all of them or even most of them destroys love.
Anyone who fails all these red flags miserably cannot love, they can only destroy love.
Can a Narcissist fail in love
The short answer is no. The narcissists doesn’t love you. The narcissists does not love anybody, not Even themselves. Especially not themselves. This can be hard to hear and a lot of people do not want to believe it, but sugarcoating things isn’t the right thing to do then.
However, you’re likely the only one in the relationship with any genuine feelings for the other person, If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist. That is not to say the narcissist has no genuine feelings at all. They do. They just do not have any genuine feelings for you.
We have all heard that old word,” If you do not love yourself, you can not love anybody differently.” It may be old but it’s also true, and the narcissist is a perfect illustration of it. They do not love themselves and because of that, they can not love anyone differently. They also can not believe anyone can love them, either( anyhow of what they may say to the negative). Loving a narcissist is the same as loving a character on a television show. This isn’t a real person and can never repay. It’s of course over to the individual if they choose to pursue a relationship with someone who’s likely not able of loving them back, but they should at least know what they’re getting into.
Narcissist do n’t really ever fall in love with you.
They go thru a period of idealization or “ love bombing, ” but they do n’t ever truly fall in love with you, or else they would not be so mean-spirited and abusive towards you.
Please do n’t confuse physical attraction or recreation with your struggling as feelings of love. This is a raptorial person who’s toying with you, not the coming love of your life.
My narcissistic dates did n’t give one single fuck about me, except to have sex with me, and that’s all the relationship were. It played out like that one hundred percent of the time. There was never a relationship with that kinda self- absorbed personality that screamed to me that they were romantic or in love. They were actually rather blunt and animalistic about it.
Make no mistake, the narcissist has just sized you up, and is preparing for a lovemaking dance but that dance does n’t end in making love in the least. It’s all about the animalistic, lustful, animal desire. It’s not about having a romantic, loving relationship.
Because they ca n’t feel empathy for you or for anybody differently.
If you think they can then just ask yourself
Does this person actually care for me when there’s no direct benefit to himself or herself?
Does this person display a amenability to stick it out thru thick and thin or run at the first sign of trouble?
Head games or straightforward and clear about his or her desire?
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And most telling of all Does the person comfort you when you’re sad or down?
Most likely one or more of these will trip your silent alarm system. And they should. Somebody who does n’t do thing without a benefit to themselves, runs at the first signs of trouble, plays cruel head games, or comfort you when you’re down does n’t have the ability to feel deep feelings for somebody differently and imagine themselves in that person’s place.
So no, there’s no moment when the narcissist falls in love with you, there’s just a moment when they start a relationship of convenience.
Signs of Narcissist Love Bombing
Love bombing can be sneaky and delicate to spot like any other manipulation strategy. As a result, you might feel insecure, not knowing whether your mate’s behavior
is a genuine expression of intense attraction and affection or narcissistic love bombing.
Although not every excessive exhibition of love and attraction is love bombing, it’s helpful to identify colorful forms of this manipulation tactic.
1* Causing You Feel Unstable
A narcissist’s attention will make you feel insecure and unstable, never knowing what to anticipate from them. At one point, they may press you into spending time with them24/7 only to discard you after some time showing no guilt or empathy.
2* Showering You with excessive Gifts
A narcissist will lavish you with precious and extravagant gifts. While this behavior
may impress you originally, its purpose is to help a narcissist gain control over you
3* Giving you overwhelming compliment
We all love attention and admiration. So, your mate’s excessive compliment may be flattering in the morning. However, constant compliment such as “ You’re the most beautiful woman I ’ve ever seen ” or “ You’re the only person I want to spend my time with ” can be overwhelming.
4* Expecting or Demanding Attention
So, when they compliment you or shower you with gifts, narcissist want something in return. They want recognition and your concentrated attention, so they will disregard your boundaries and use manipulation to have you concentrate on them entirely.
How Does Narcissism Manifest in Relationship?
The sudden shift from being a seemingly perfect mate to someone who’s judgemental, quick to anger, and self- absorbed is jarring and can cause you to question yourself and your perception of your mate. You ’ll be left wondering where the kind, adoring person you were falling in love with has gone.
“ But as I was to find out latterly, I had a Very dark side. I first found this out when we were preparing to go to bed at his place one night after being together perhaps 2 months or so. He’has a special pillow that he used. This night, his housekeeper
had inadvertently switched the pillows, so’ his’ pillow was on my side. I did not notice, but when he did, he flipped out. He started absolutely screaming at me that’ I should have known it was his pillow'”
One of the most common early pointers of narcissist is what’s known as the love- bombing phase. At the morning of the relationship, the narcissist will often come on very strong, put you on a pedestal, and make you feel incredibly special.
Anna, 28, describes her experience, “ In the beginning, he treated me like an absolute queen. He constantly put me on a pedestal(” You are the woman I have been looking for my whole life” red flag!) and he was very generous. ” These actions are common.
They might canonize on you endlessly, take you out on fancy dates, and give you gifts all while inflating your pride. It’s also very likely they ’ll say” I love you” way too early. Unfortunately, this period of false swoon is generally short- lived.
Soon enough the narcissist will either grow wearied of you and leave you — generally appertained to as narcissistic discard — or continue to see you while signs of the disorder become more apparent. “ As time went on J’s compliment became decreasingly backhanded and she’d make commentary about my weight, my aesthetics , my friends from home, and just about everything differently. She also roughly blamed people that I came into contact with and wanted to spend time with, icing that I formed as many relationship as possible with people who were not her, ” shares Sam, 32, a victim of narcissism.
Can a Narcissist truly lover they partner
Many people who have had a relationship with someone with narcissistic traits come down with the question Can a narcissist really love you?
A hasty answer would be “ No. ” however, there’s a distinct difference between someone who’s diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and a person who has narcissistic traits.
People with narcissistic personality disorder( NPD) have traits that are in opposition with the ability to love another person, at least in the way that people without NPD understand love. These traits include a lack of empathy, a sense of annuity, and a tendency to exploit others for personal gain
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