Our marriage is only nine months old. We dated for four years before we finally got married. Within the four years that we dated, he was all about shuperu and more. He wanted it and I had no reason to keep it from him so I gave it to him whenever he wanted it. I won’t say it’s the shuperu that kept us glued together but its contribution can’t overemphasize. We could fight for days and it would the only thing that would bring us together. It was always different after a fight. The way he gives his all and the way I put my all into it makes it look like it was the only thing we needed in our lives. We had a very good time while dating so my thinking was that it was going to get better when we get married.
On our honeymoon, it was a disaster. I was too tired to care and he was too tired to want it. But we tried anyway. We were able to get some lousy rounds just to keep us going. We returned from our honeymoon on Thursday. Everything was new. We couldn’t live in the house each of us was living in because they were too small to contain us. We had a new room that came with a new fragrance. We had new bedsheets that spiced our sleep. We slept with the music on just to musk up the noise that both of us produced during the action. Everything was stacked in our favor and everything around us screamed, “Get to it already, we can’t wait to see some action.”
But my husband will lay flat on the bed and begin to snore away. Nothing I do gets his attention. I’m a woman with loud hormones. They never keep quiet so I want it often, especially now that we are married and have no reason to be careful. I will tap him; “Bernard, get up. The way you’ve been treating me these days, I don’t see top at all. What happened to you? Have you been stung by a bee? It doesn’t even get up when I play with it? What’s happening to you?” He’ll talk through his sleep and say a lot of things that don’t make sense. The bottom line of his explanation had always been, ”I’m tired. Let’s sleep for a while. Wake me up at dawn.”
I will wake him up at dawn and he’ll postpone the match to early morning. Immediately after his alarm goes off, he will rush to the bathroom as if someone is after him. So I told myself, ”Maybe, he’s had enough so let me stop worrying him. When he wants it, he’ll chase for it.” Brothers and sisters, we went for four weeks and this man did nothing to show that he was in the mood. Me that I said I won’t mind him would be all over him, rubbing my skin to his skin, struggling to get his attention but he won’t mind me. He’ll sleep through all the rubs while I lay there hungry and angry.
I have this friend I talk to about everything. She got married four years before I did so she has more experience in marriage than I do. Mavis. I called her one night and told her everything about it. “Mavis, can you imagine what opana is doing to me? I don’t know what has come over him. He doesn’t touch it. I do my best to get his attention. I’ve tried all the tricks under my belt but this man pretends he hasn’t seen me. What could be the issue? Has your opana ever done that to you?” She laughed at me. She said, “But you just got married? This is the time to hit and fly in it.”
We had a lengthy conversation. In the end, she told me what to do.
She said, “Maybe he has gotten used to you. So much so that the lust level is low. Keep yourself away from him. Cover whatever is uncovered. If you sleep naked, it’s about time you found up-and-down pajamas and wear them at night. If you walk around the house showing everything you have, it’s time to stop it. Cover up. Men love to uncover things for themselves. They want to chase things. They would like to hunt. Give him the opportunity to look for what is hidden and he’ll always come chasing.”
Actually, I’ve heard that before but it didn’t sound to me like good advice. I like to be taken whenever and however. I don’t like the stage where we have to struggle through taking things off. I come ready but I decided to put her suggestions to use.
A week later, my husband saw the change in me and started asking questions; “You sleep in pajamas now? What movies have you been watching?” Another time he said, “Now, you’re doing very well. Your guardian angel would be proud of you. At least, he can now watch over you fully without turning his eyes away from your naked body.” Everything was a joke to him without seeing through the effort I’m putting up to get his attention. We went for two weeks without any action. Three weeks, no action. Instead of developing ways to get at me, he rather developed a new way of snoring that got on my nerves each night when I heard him snore. We were hitting a month when I rushed on him and took care of things.
That night we talked. I asked questions—questions that bothered my heart. “Dear, what’s happening? You don’t touch me anymore. We are married. We have a natural mandate to procreate and this is the only way we can. So why are you not chasing it like you used to?” He said, “Nothing is wrong. I’m just tired these days but it doesn’t matter. When you want it and you push toward me, we do it, or? Yeah, not all the time but you know we can’t do it all the time.” So that day we reached an agreement that we’ll make a conscious effort to do it at least twice a week. Three weeks later, we had nothing to show for our new resolution.
I went to another friend of mine who had also been married for years. She is also a childhood friend who tells me everything concerning her marriage and even uses her instances to advise me. After telling her everything, she also went on and on telling me the same thing that my friend told me; “Cover up. Keep it away from him. When he craves for it and comes closer to get it, pretend you’re not in the mood. Let him fight for it. Let him work for it. Men desire what they work for. They love to chase after what they can’t get. If you succeed in making him chase you, he’ll come at you all the time.” I said, “It doesn’t work. I’ve tried it before and it fell flat on my face. Or my husband isn’t a man?”
I decided to starve my urge just to rope him in. One week, two weeks, four weeks, six weeks, eight weeks later, nothing. Not even his leg falling on me accidentally. I will stay awake at night and think about all the things that could go wrong for him to behave this way. I will ask myself questions and the answer would come immediately. There was no question yet my bedroom was dead. We don’t have a child yet so I won’t blame it on issues after childbirth. I haven’t added on any weight. I dress well and always smell my best. I did less to get his attention when we were dating but now I go to the moon and back just to impress him.
I’ve even resorted to fighting him. You know, I told you the ones we did after a fight was always the best one, now my husband won’t even fight. I get angry at him and he’ll be laughing at me. All he has to do is get angry too so the two of us can set up a make-up match. But he won’t. I get angry and he makes a joke of my anger. This man is killing me slowly.
What could be the problem? And what could be the answer to this conundrum I find myself in with my husband? ‘Cover it’ doesn’t work. ‘Open it up’ doesn’t work so what else would work? . How can a nine-month-old marriage be this dry.
–Nina, Silent Beads!